My chins are IN the building!
Then we drove right up from Tribeca to Tarrytown (making a pit stop to pick up #1 fan, Shannon) for the next gig. We had a nice dinner with Gordon's parents beforehand and honestly, I was KIND of nervous before this show. I usually don't get too nervous, but it was a good turnout, and it's always a little intimidating to be sharing songs I wrote. These people who knew nothing about me were about to know A LOT about me, very soon. I was also very cold, which makes me trembly and nervous on its own.
I performed with two other songwriters, Jim Keyes and Miyuki Furtado. They are seasoned pros who have been doing this for a while, so I was definitely the new kid. I held my own though. I started strong with "California" and eased into the super personal stuff. I got slightly less nervous as the night went on, but since we took turns doing a song each, I couldn't help getting butterflies every time I knew I was next. Like when you have to read out loud in class and you know your turn is coming and you just forget what words sound like and psych yourself out.
Like that.
The difference between this show at W@tercooler and the Green Bean gig is vast. One involved singing covers in a bright room while everyone talked and kids played and people had distractions. This was a room full of 30 or more paid audience members, sitting and giving their full attention for two hours, as I sang my own songs about heartbreak, insecurity, and homesickness. It's very vulnerable, and at times feels like some strange group therapy. Sharing your darkest, meanest, often ugliest feelings in the form of a song that you made up. Hoping they don't hate it. Hoping at least someone knows what you mean.
So yeah it's scary. But it feels great, and the applause after some of my really intense songs gave me the feeling that I'm not alone in this. That I affected this audience in some way, or they wouldn't hoot like that. That's a really cool feeling.
And the feedback I got from these strangers during the middle and end of the show was really fun and interesting to hear. I noticed most of the men who came up to talk about my music wanted to make it clear that I wrote mean songs about boys, and that if they were the ones dating me, they'd constantly be scared that a mean song was coming.
But here's the thing, if you treat someone nicely, they don't write mean songs about you.
And would they have said this to a man?
But I get it, it's a joke, Taylor Swift complex, who's she gonna write about next? blah blah blah. These guys were coming from a well-meaning place. They may just be used to hearing ladies sing exclusively about nice, pleasant things.
The women, on the other hand, had a totally different reaction! Not one of them said my songs or words were "mean" but instead they just REALLY related to them, and had clearly experienced these feelings of hostility or flat-out indifference toward dudes in their life. They said my songs were "so real" and that "the first one is totally what I'm going through right now" and "that other thing happens all the time!"
I thought that was very intriguing. But in general, everyone I spoke to said I had a great voice and some really meaningful songs. Two young women at the end of the night wanted to buy my CD and unfortunately I had to tell them it's still in the works.
I mean, I could sell my little demos that I've been giving out, but I really want the quality to be top-notch if people are paying for them! That was cool though. That they wanted my CD.
I had two MORE gigs in the last week as well! I'm on a roll this month. I played at CityView Racquet Club Lounge for the second time. I did some Christmas tunes and some songs with Gordon. And then we got to hang out, enjoy the views of Manhattan, and deeply appreciate the buffet and open bar. Not a bad life.