The Audition

The bad news: none of the judges wore curly white wigs.

The good news: my voice appeared roughly a half hour before the audition and I got to properly show everybody what I'm workin' with (...vocally).

This chapter of my memoir will be called "The Sigh of Relief Heard Round the World"

The one doing the sighing is me. Because I was extremely worried. And then unbelievably relieved. Even though I spent an entire day inhaling steamed ginger and drinking cup of tea after cup of tea, I can't help but think I was visited by a little vocal guardian angel on Tuesday. Because I could barely squeak more than five notes out that morning, even after doing all my "little tricks" as my mom called them. I do have a lot of little tricks. But I was convinced they hadn't worked.

Anyway. The audition looked just like the photos from previous years, but there was a LOT of press there. A lot of news cameras and interviewers and photography areas. I saw all these dapper jazz bands take the stage and realized I was the only solo act in sight. I felt very small. Everyone else was in an established group. With multiple instruments. I was just...me. Sick little me. Gordon hadn't arrived yet, so I had to just sit there, internally freaking out. An older Asian man noticed my ukulele and asked me to take it out so he could snap a photo of me. I don't think he was press. I think he was just there. I smiled for him. He was kind and encouraging, and told me he would be back to watch me audition. So that eased my nerves for about five seconds. Gordon eventually appeared and I felt incredibly calm and centered. He has that affect.

It's one thing to give a bad audition in a closed room for ten humans, but it's another thing to give a bad audition for 25 judges, all the local news stations, and about 50 passerby. Maybe it was the adrenaline or maybe it was the steam or maybe it was the two sips of chamomile tea I had right before I got myself in line, but something brought my voice back. In a sectioned-off "green room" area, I practiced my songs into the marble wall, and to my surprise, I hit every note clearly. Gordon and I looked at each other a little baffled. He motioned to a man nearby setting up his equipment and said, "That guy was digging it. He nodded at me like 'right on' while you were singing."

If it's good enough for that random guy, it was good enough.

I stood in line behind three groups going before me. One included a girl with a ukulele. Awesome. A woman interviewed me, asking why I want this, what my story is. Gordon's parents waved and set up their camera on a tripod. The Asian gentleman was back, and gave me a thumbs up from the crowd. I tried not to think of the hundreds of things that would go wrong, aside from my voice cracking. We had barely practiced with my amp and had to immediately know what settings to use and what volume levels and what if they couldn't hear me and what if my ukulele slipped because I'd be standing and what if the mic gave feedback and what if I forgot the words and what if I did that thing where I closed my eyes the whole time? I feel nervous writing this now, but I didn't feel nervous then. I felt ready. Singing into the wall and hearing myself gave me all the confidence I needed. I went into full warrior princess mode. 

For the record, warrior princess mode is my favorite mode to be in.

The MC approached me, wearing a referee uniform. He told me if I neared the five minute point, he would walk on "stage" and blow his whistle. I thought that was a little game-show-ish, but I assured him I would not hit five minutes. He asked me a lot of questions about myself, with one band still in front of me in line. He asked me why I started playing ukulele and without thinking, I said, "Because I was sad."

Which is not entirely untrue, but I realized that was the wrong answer when I saw him scribble it down in his notes by my name. Great. Here comes sad girl. Strumming away all her pain. Maybe she'll stop crying long enough to sing to you. After I answered a few more questions about myself, the band in front of me gave their audition. I think they played "Fields of Barley" and I think they were amazing, but it was all a blur. After one song, they exited and the MC said, "That was the Jill Sargeants.....I mean.....here is Jill Sargeant, up next!"

Gordon and I rushed up and turned the amp on and tested the volume as the MC went on about how sad I am and how I come from the "promise land" or something. I started strumming and Gordon crawled back up to the amp to adjust the levels more, that saint. I started to sing. I hit every note with my usual pizazz. I tried my very best to smile and not shake too much. Toward the end of my second song, "Sea of Love" I actually started enjoying myself. I was singing in Grand Central Station in New York City. Arguably the most beautiful train station in America, in my favorite city in the world (...besides Orange). I got to share my voice with all these people and my voice was actually THERE. I was a grinning little polar bear. The MC sincerely thanked me as I left the stage. 

And that's how it went.

I wasn't expecting all the interviewers and photographers to rush up to me and literally form a line to talk to me and take my photo. That was surreal. I'm sure they did that to almost every performer, but I felt pretty darned special in that moment. I got to tell my abridged life story to all these reporters. Stand in front of the "Music Under New York" background and pose for everyone. After one reporter for Business Insider took my picture in the press area, a man holding a microphone with a camera following him said, "Hi I'm with NBC, do you have a minute?"

For you, sir? I have multiple minutes. I gave an interview to NBC, it's fine, no big deal. I exchanged business cards with a few people and talked to Gordon and his parents about it all. And then it was over. And then I had to babysit.

Here is an article I'm in, where I talk about getting escorted off the High Line (a few times).

I'd post my one sentence that made it onto NBC news but it's not on the internet! But if you're friends with me on facebook, you can find it on my wall ;)

Alright! I think this is officially my longest post yet! That's what happens when you look forward to something for months and then drink coffee and write about it, I guess. Who knows if I actually made it in, but I'm glad I did my best and didn't bomb and felt famous for about 10 minutes.

If you actually read this whole thing: good job, you little reader! Look at you go!!!

Now stop stalking me and go do something else (just kidding, never stop stalking me) but seriously stop stalking me.

TOODLES.

Chest Cold

"And next to audition is Jill Sargeant!"

Jill walks in, wheezing and blowing her nose. She plops down her battery powered amp and microphone but...where is her ukulele!? She doesn't have it!

"Hi everybody," Jill whispers into the microphone, "I've been really looking forward to this audition. But I have a chest cold. And can barely speak," Jill sneezes into the microphone, "so here ya go."

Jill plugs her phone into the amplifier.

"This is what I sound like when I can sing."

Jill presses play, and stares down the audience in all-over-body agony, while a pre-recorded song she covered plays through the speakers. The audience is silent. The judges look around, whispering amongst themselves.

"What?" "Who is this?" "No one has ever done this before!" "Poor thing!" "This audition does not count!" "Let's give her a chance! She's not half bad!"

Suddenly, the internet cuts out. Her song stops playing. Jill sits there, humiliated, her future ruined by a buffering symbol. The crowd starts to boo.

"I dare say we've seen enough, Jill Sargeant!!" an old man in a curly white judge wig shouts. He must be the main judge.

The crowd starts throwing tomatoes and dead squirrels at Jill. She exits, soul crushed and amp ruined by all the tomatoes. 

"You'll never work in this town..." the wig-wearing main judge says to her, giving her the stink eye.

I read somewhere that if you're anxious about something, you should describe every detail of the worst-case scenario, and it'll probably end up kind of funny. And you won't be so anxious about it. I guess that was my worst case scenario. But it aint too far from the truth. My audition for Music Under New York is TOMORROW and I woke up essentially voiceless. What was just a stuffy nose yesterday turned into a congested chest and borderline dry cough overnight. YIPPEE!!!!

I've been consuming various beverages for the last 10 hours, from tea to vinegar to ginger-cayenne pepper drink. I've been inhaling any and all steam I can get my hands on (my...nostrils on), taken whatever supplements you were about to suggest to me, and done TWO nasal rinses. I even bough Vix VapoRub which doesn't do anything but leave a waxy residue on your chest and embarrass you when you ask the employee at the grocery store, "Do you guys have Vix VapoRub?" in the lowest man-voice a person can have. She made me ask like four times because she couldn't hear me. I had to shout "VIX VAPORUB" in my man voice around other young people in the grocery store! Young people!!!!!!

I took a bath and a nap and an excedrin. I have literally 12 tabs open on my browser, each one an assortment of home remedies and "how to get over a cold" advice. I have thought the phrase, "Vintage Music Man shirt, give me strength" at least seven times today.

I'm racing with the clock here, and I'd feel pretty stupid if a dumb old clock beat me in a race.

So I will just keep inhaling steam and swallowing echinacea until something good happens. I am GOING to cough all this gross stuff up or be very frustrated trying!!! So there!!!!!!!!!!

Here's a quick pic of me:

Avocados and Busking

Hey again everybody! Pretending to have hundreds/ thousands of fans really helps me pump out these blog posts. But based on how my yesterday went, that may be sooner than I think!

NEWS: My avocado ukulele came in the mail! It is so beautiful, I don't know what to do. Can you have a spirit instrument? Like a spirit animal but...an instrument? If so, this is mine.

Look at me go.

The 90s called and said they want me back.

So that is an incredibly important life change. Now all the shirts and buttons I had made (before knowing the uke existed in the flesh) can make sense!!

Well don't you!? The smoldering Charlotte modeling my Jill merch.

It looks like I have a theme going. A gimmick, if you will. I'll take it! I'll be the avocado girl, I'll do it. Free of charge, here I am, the new face of avocados! Dreams.

PS: if anyone wants to purchase this shirt (or the other design that says Jill Sargeant with some fun flowers all around), message me! 10 dollars each, baby boi. Comes with free buttons.

At first, the avo uke wouldn't stay in tune and went wonky halfway through any song I'd play, but after about a week, it is sounding fabulous. It has that authentic, homemade sound that I hear a lot in pop songs that use uke (or really old recordings). So I took to Central Park yesterday, because it was BEAUTIFUL outside, my voice was feeling real healthy, and I had nothin' else to do. I was pretty nervous. Besides that one time in Union Square a couple months ago, I haven't busked since October or so. After I paced around my apartment for a while and pushed through the nerves by giving myself a fake name and playing a character who is braver than myself, I arrived at the park. I found a spot by the pond at the south east corner, and even though I wasn't getting a crazy amount of foot traffic, I got to soak up the view. And it was nice to get back into the swing of busking without a huge audience right away. I serenaded the heck out of those sunbathers, though, let me tell you. They loved me.

Shhh, she's sleeping.

I took a little break and then found a new spot. An Italian man approached me for directions and then started talking to me about music. He's a musician in Rome and had a good amount of advice for me. Helpful advice! Dad advice. It was as if my dad appeared in the form of a 36 year old Italian guy. He convinced me to sing some songs, and everyone on the benches around me loved it. He started a clap and they all joined. I had a fan. He said I need to sell CDs with my originals on them. And also to...practice my originals. Which I don't do. All sound advice. After hearing one song, a young French couple came up to me and told me I was very talented and they see me becoming a "big star" and that a ton of awesome French musicians start out like me. So that was cool. One woman asked if I have CDs (you win, Dad/ Italian man!!) and when I told her not yet, she asked if I would be selling some soon. She legitimately wanted to pay for a CD of me singing.

The people have spoken and they want CDs!!! And by "the people" I mean that one lady.

I didn't make my usual haul, so we learned that the High Line pays more than Central Park. But a few hours a day at this and I would be doing a-okay! Fear and nerves and not feeling "ready" have been holding me back, but yesterday was the confidence boost I needed. People like my music/ my singing, and they're willing to pay money to hear it! The amazing Amy Poehler said, "Great people do things before they're ready. They do things before they know they can do it." So keep those words in mind...next time you don't feel ready.

Next step: keep busking and being brave and start making that album.

THE PEOPLE REALLY WANT IT!!!!!!!!

Day of Music

Orange County! I am comin' for you!

In...two months.

I will be performing at downtown Fullerton's Day of Music, on June 21 (summer solstice)!! Basically a ton of musicians take over downtown from 11am to 8:30pm and play in stores, restaurants, coffee shops...probably outside too. It sounds like a good time. I'm figuring out which venues I'm going to play, but as of right now, I'm booked to sing at Magowski Arts Colony from 5 to 6.

You should be there! I believe it is Father's Day, but what better activity to do with dad than see free live music on the longest day of the year?? Kid tested, dad approved.

I'll post more updates about where I'll sing and play as I find out! But yes...rare Orange County appearance. Get your tickets while you can, this show will sell out quick.

Kidding, it's free. I mentioned it's free but I just really wanted to stress that you don't have to pay anything to go to this...so go to this.

I also got an acoustic electric uke! She plugs in and everything! And she is sooo pretty. I'll post pics soon. "Spalted mango" is how amazon.com described her. Such a natural beauty.

We had a couple lovely days where it was 70 degrees or so, but that ended quickly. Back down to 45 and gloomy this week. Southern California baby is SICK of real weather!! I want my sunshine! I want my ocean! I want to pretend to tan but really just get freckles/ burnt!!!

Soon, my mice. Soon.

Subway rat in training

HELLO TRICKY LITTLE MICE! HAVE I GOT SOME NEWS FOR YOU!!

In my last post, I mentioned applying for Music Under New York, a program by the MTA that gives musicians frequent performance opportunities in high-traffic areas in the subway. The MTA doesn't pay these musicians, but you can accept tips (so you make bank) and you get great exposure and tons of performance opportunities! And the best part!? Police can't escort you out! Even if your music is amplified! Technically musicians can busk in the subways as long as their music isn't amplified, but most cops don't care/ pay attention to that rule, so they'll kick you out anyway.

But if you're in the Music Under New York club, you are SUPPOSED to be there, and the MTA even makes you a BANNER!!! I'm really fixated on this banner.

...I want my name on a banner, ok?

So I sent in a CD of me playing and singing and got an email last week inviting me to the auditions!! I have a time slot and everything!! Now THAT'S an audition I can get behind. None of this waiting around in a cold studio all day, only to find out they won't see you unless you've already been on Broadway.

The audition is in Vanderbilt Hall in Grand Central Station on May 19 and I should be going on at about 12:55pm! They said that the auditions are open to the public and the MTA website even has a horrifying photo of an audition from the past. With rows and rows of "industry professionals" sitting at tables and the rest of the room jam-packed with tourists. So I will definitely have an audience. If anyone wants to show up and support me and scream extra loud after I sing and be a friendly face in the crowd, please feel FREE. It will be much appreciated. I only have 5 minutes, so I'm going to do two short songs and hope they can find a place for me on their roster. 

So many humans.

I think it would be awesome to get this. It would motivate me a lot, give me tons of (paid) practice, and help me figure out different sets for gigs I do in the future. And you never know who will be walking by while I sing. So fingers crossed.

I bought my first AMP this weekend!! I'm not super sure that it's technically an amp, but I love saying the word AMP!! It is very cute, and generally lightweight. But the email said there will be "no electricity" at the audition, which is strange to me because I'm pretty sure Grand Central has electricity. Soooo I either need to find a battery powered amp, or figure out (...have Gordon figure out) how to plug it into a battery on the 19th.

But shhhhh it's all gonna work out.

I also found out that our neighbor across the hall (who is also our super) takes his one-year-old out into the lobby and holds her up to our door whenever they hear me singing. So that's sweet. I'm glad the little buba likes my jams...and that I'm not ruining nap time in any way.

Alright, poppy seeds, I'll leave you with a video of a band Gordon and I saw live this week. They were much rowdier in person, but check 'em out if you need some new bluegrass in your life. Nathan Kalish and The Last Callers.

SEE YA SOON, BABOONS!! Seacrest out!

I'm Thinking About Getting My Act Together Soon

You know what's a trip? Chocolate covered cherries. Just the right amount of velvelty richness and then BOOM! It's tart.

My dad told me to update my blog again, so here we are. Even though I have literally NOTHING going on, career-wise. I guess I'm shifting focus from unpaid gigs to paid gigs. I'm working on some sets I could play in pubs and restaurants and I'm gonna buy a PA system. So even if a place doesn't normally have the set-up for live music, I can bring it all myself. I also kind of want an accoustic-electric ukulele because how badass does THAT sound?

"Oh, this? It's just my electric ukulele. It's whatever. Now let me plug in and SHRED!!"

Yeah. That sounds good.

Also waiting on my avocado ukulele! I assume a bearded, Ron-Swanson-like man is building it as we speak. Etsy is a beautiful thing.

Take it in:

Angels sing when I look at that photo. There are few things more perfect in this cruel world than a ukulele painted like an avocado. So hopefully that's ready soon. 

I also applied to be one of those musicians who plays in the subway but is promoted and sort of sponsored by the MTA. They make you a banner and everything. It's not paid, but you can accept "donations" and you get hella exposure. 

I thought I had a jazz band in the works, but it's all up in the air now, so who knows. I think the important thing we all need to remember here is that it's been above 40 degrees consecutively for the last few days in New York. So yeah. It IS Spring and there IS hope for humanity!!

Oh, speaking of no hope for humanity, I stumbled upon this video today, hoping to learn a thing or two about how to grow my "fan base" and turns out, YouTube is a cult. Check it out (if you have 10 minutes to spare):

It Wouldn't Let Me Embed the Video but Here It Is

Basically, a girl in a YouTube shirt talks about the "5 guiding principles to build your community on YouTube" and mentions "creation story, creed, leadership, rituals, and language." She ends on the line, "These are all elements that can help you build your community, your strong, social army of promoters."

If that isn't CULT language, I don't know what is. Anything that mentions rituals and leadership and "armies of promoters" is something I usually steer clear of. Maybe that's just me. Drink the Kool Ai—I mean, SUBSCRIBE!

Creepy.

I should share this website with people other than my immediate family, but I kinda like having it as my little secret, you know? My tiny little secret website! So cute! So mysterious! OK I'll share it soon......dad!!!

Until next time.....adios mi chachas.

Two New Videos Up!

Guess what! I did something! I powered through this crippling cold to actually create something! It's a miracle! My dear friend Gordon Grajek and I recorded Stormy Weather, because it's terrible outside and we've all forgotten what warmth feels like.

We also covered that 90s favorite, "Dreams" by the Cranberries. Because who DOESN'T have this song playing in their heads every time they walk through the streets of New York City?!?!

Right?!?! That's not just me, is it? Wait....is it?

Alright. Well here it is, my puppies-in-bandanas. 

It's kind of gross how cute we are, huh? But in a fun way. Right?

We are trying to make at least a video a week because word on the street is that the Internet is important and can make a Justin Bieber out of a scrawny kid with a lady voice. So here's hoping I go viral and the Internet makes a Bieber out of THIS scrawny kid with a lady voice!!!

I will post more updates as they come (I know the fans check this blog on the regular. Dad. I think you stopped reading my blog. Come on.) And I'll be back on my busking feet in no time, so look for me in NYC subway tunnels soon. And give me money if you see me. But dollars, not coins. Ok. I'm glad we had this talk.

Smell ya later,

Jill

Post #2: 2015 Edition!

*the crowd politely applauds*

*the crowd waits*

*the crowd grows impatient*

*the crowd grows unruly and starts tipping over tables*

*a fire starts*

EVERYONE, SETTLE DOWN! I'M HERE FOR MY SECOND BLOG POST!

*the crowd takes their seats, content to hear this news. No one puts the fire out*

I'm back, baby! And by that, I mean I remembered I had a website and decided to tweak it a bit. I'm sure you've all been dying to know what I've been up to...

*crickets*

*it is revealed that the crowd is imaginary and Jill's dad is still the only one who checks this site*

Well HERE is what I've been doing this past month or so!!!

-watching every episode of Master Chef Junior (so proud of you, Alexander)

-telling myself I will go to the gym, or at least cancel my expensive subscription, but not actually doing either of those things.

-selling food at a broadway theatre and charming the pants off of old people in the hopes that they will tip me.

-trip to California!

-brunch

-ordering off of home shopping network

-babysitting

-making a lot of lists for improving my life and then never looking at those lists again.

-i put up some wall art, but most of the pictures fell off. Scotch tape, I'm lookin' at you.

- "auditioning"

-stress-purchasing expensive lipstick 

-trying to remember how to sing and play the ukulele at the same time.

I'm sure everyone is wondering how my gig went! The one I was so excited about in my last post!!! Summed up in 10 words: No one showed up and they cut me off early.

It's cool, an audience of 5 is all I needed, and who wanted to hear my best three songs at the end anyway?? But in all seriousness, I did have a very supportive, if small, group arrive and listen. I gave them free merch. And then I cried in the bathroom. Just kidding! I didn't even make it to the bathroom. I worked my lil butt off and saved the last five or six best songs for last, but the sound guy told me I could pick one more before my set ended (ten minutes early). So I did one of those six and mentally strangled the sound guy. I hope he never sees this. He won't.

Is this coming off as bitter? I'm definitely not bitter and I've definitely processed all these emotions in a healthy way and haven't let them build up and twist my view of humanity.

So the gig didn't go as expected. But I did some important work that'll pay off in the future, and I got to debut my soon-to-be hit, "Sad Goat Girl." Anyone who was there will tell you, "It's definitely something."

I'm trying to figure out how to busk in this cold weather. I'm trying to figure out how to physically survive in this cold weather. It takes like 45 minutes to put clothes on. By the time I'm ready to go, whatever I was headed to has ended and it's time for bed. I literally do not leave my apartment unless there is a negative consequence of me staying in. So yeah, bringing myself to have hours of music prepared, a warmed up voice, layers of clothes on, a game plan, my ukulele, and the stamina to be outdoors for any amount of time (without anyone expecting me to play anywhere) is a little tricky. Busking was much more enjoyable when I could throw on a sundress, grab my uke, and walk to the high line. But ah, the life of a starving musician. Roughing it in the snow and subway passageways, just to share my art and make a few bucks. Sounds so poetic and romantic, but not actually very fun at all. This Cali girl functions much better in the warmth. Hi, Spring? Wanna come over? Great, see you soon.

So that is currently where I'm at. I'm working on getting gigs and going to auditions, but also just making enough to pay rent and feed myself. It'll all come together, I just need to "keep on truckin" as they say in London. That's a British phrase, right? Pretty sure.

One thing I CAN do from the warmth of my apartment?!?! WRITE! I added more writing and will continue to do so until the sun comes out again. Probably even after that. So...

Winter: 1

Jill: 0

I'll give ya any more updates (dad) if I have them! Until then, STAY WARM, A STORM IS COMING. STOCK UP ON FLASHLIGHTS AND BEANS.

Peace.

Helloooo New York!

Space Captain Jill here flyin' in with an update!

UPDATE: THIS IS MY FIRST BLOG UPDATE!

Glad we got that out of the way.

SECOND UPDATE: THIS IS MY SECOND UPDATE!

Har har har I am on fire. Ok but for real:

UPDATE: I AM PERFORMING MY SECOND GIG IN NEW YORK CITY. AND I AM GOING THROUGH A "CAPITAL LETTERS" PHASE OF MY LIFE. I AM SORRY.

Exciting, right?!?! I am performing on Thursday, December 18 at The Bowery Electric (Map Room) at 6pm! You got all that?!?

Website for the venue: http://www.theboweryelectric.com/map-room/

I will be an opening act at this fine establishment and play an hour of covers AND originals. I am writing lots of songs, just for this occasion! There will be merch. By merch, I mean about 20 t-shirts that I will give to my friends because I'll feel bad charging them. I will be wearing lipstick and a probably-brand-new or velvet dress. I will most likely do a Christmas song.

Also the show is free.

It blows my mind that I already performed somewhere in this grand city and that a real live person at a real live venue sees potential in me. That people on the high line throw as much money at me as they do. They don't have to, by any means. They could just keep walking. But they stop. And they dig through their bags to find any amount of change for me. They ask me to break 5 dollar bills so they can give me a few dollars of it (happened to me more than once). I think this means that people want to hear me. They want me to keep going, to keep singing to them and to other people. That maybe there's something in my voice that speaks to them. It definitely gives me hope and encourages me to keep going. If enough random tourists on the high line will voluntarily give me money to sing, won't the rest of America?

Only time will tell. I'm hoping that when I'm 35 or so, I'll look back on this post (as an extremely successful singer/ songwriter/ broadway performer) and be like, "Oh how cute! My first little post! I still didn't know how many lives I would touch with my music! And how many millions I would make! Let's print this little post and frame it in gold! Jeeves! Bring around the helicopter, we're GOIN' TO SPAIN!"

Fingers crossed that that's me at 35. Fingers crossed.

I am also going to be doing a show for my musical improv class on December 7, but I'm not really telling people about it because a) it's 5 dollars, who is gonna pay that?! and b) I'm a little afraid I'm going to be awful. But enough with that! If you wanna go, it's on Sunday December 7 at 6pm! At the Magnet! Only 5 buckaroos!

I'm not sure who my audience is on this blog. Probably just my dad. Hi dad!

So there ya go! My first three updates! If you are a human and you are reading this and December 18 hasn't happened yet, then totally GO TO THIS!!

Spaceman Jill---OUT!